“Living Behind The Curtains” Taboo Subjects & Starting Your Own Business

I knew from the beginning that starting your own business is not easy. Its not fun, it’s not glamorous, it’s not even empowering some days. I’ve been told I have a very pessimistic outlook on life, but I just view it as realism. I don’t let myself live in a fantasy world thinking life will come easy or things will just be handed to me. Life doesn’t happen that way for me and it never has. My friends joke that I’ve been just been born “unlucky” because bad and strange circumstances seem to gravitate to me. Anyone who is close enough to me knows that my life has been far from easy. So I don’t view my outlook on life as pessimistic, it’s just how I cope with my reality. I don’t ever let my hopes get too high so that it doesn’t hurt so much when things don’t work out. I’m constantly preparing myself for the worst, so when I knew I wanted to start my own business full time I basically prepared for utter failure. I tried to prep myself emotionally for the good days and the bad days, the ups and downs. I knew there would be a lot of tears, and late nights, and early mornings, and I can handle all of those things. Having chronic insomnia I honestly hate having to sleep and eating is more of a nuisance for me anyway, lol. sometimes I joke that I’m a robot because I genuinely enjoy working. If it’s something I’m passionate about, I could work non stop for days.

I started my own business because I’ve just never found a place in my life where I fit in. I’ve never found a place that I could be myself and work to my fullest potential. I’ve hopped from so many different jobs trying to find a place that I feel supported and that my ideas will be heard, but I’ve just never found one. I took a business class in college that was essentially “how to get a job after college”, and I told my class my dreams about how I wanted my own business and that I wanted to do visual merchandising and create beautiful stores. The professor and the class shamed me during my presentation and basically told me that’s not a job and I needed to find something more realistic in the corporate world. on a side note, I also submitted my first business card design to that class which was a rough draft of the business card I have now, and my professor didn’t like my business card design either. It was “too artistic”

Anyway, after college I took everyone’s advice and got a job in corporate. I worked for the TJX company and I can honestly say I don’t even put that job on my resume because it was one of the most traumatic work experiences of my life, next to selling life insurance in Brockton. I’ve never experienced bullying like straight out of the Mean Girls movie from professional corporate people like this. I seriously thought this was something that only happened in movies. I was like Wednesday Adams in a world of Barbies. Needless to say my time at corporate was very short lived and I can tell you with vast certainty that I will never go back to a corporate company ever again. It’s just not for me. But I disappointed a lot of people in my life who thought that I had finally landed where they wanted me to be.

Back to present day, I have been preparing myself emotionally for opening my own business, What I could not prepare for is the way people treat you differently once you have your own business. Suddenly you’re alone. Complete strangers are now your best friends. People who you thought were close to you suddenly disappear. You realize your support circle is incredibly small. Starting your own business comes with a lot of “living behind curtains” as I like to call it. Suddenly your whole world has become a taboo subject you’re not supposed to talk about with others. In reality everyone knows that starting your own business SUCKS. Finances, adjusting to new schedules, working seven days a week and never having a day off. All of it just sucks and I don’t think it’s easy for anyone in the beginning, no matter who you are or what your background is. But no one wants to hear those things. No one wants to hear your struggles. No one wants to know that you can’t afford to buy yourself pajama pants, or that you haven’t had a day off in months. No one cares that your house is a mess and that you have mental breakdowns almost every day. The question I guest asked most often is “Are you making money?” That’s all that people care about. People just want to compare and contrast each other. You can’t reveal all your struggles to the people around you because they’re just looking for “I told you so” moments. Or suddenly everyone is a great business owner and has 1000 AMAZING ideas they have to tell you to do. So that’s where living behind the curtains begins. I have to keep details quiet and taboo subjects silent. Or else I could fall victim to the worlds criticism and let it overcome me.

I’m still searching for a supportive group of people that understand the struggles and are just here to listen. I haven’t found that yet. Like I’ve said, I’ve struggled to find my place in this world and that’s why I opened my own business, not for anyone else, but simply as a safe haven for myself to work and be happy and make others happy. I am very strong willed and have the motivation to make that happen. But I have found that I was only able to make this happen when I chose to strive and achieve my own goals, not goals that other people have had for me.